Me - (eyeing up the heat pump on the wall at the house we are renting)what unit do you mean?
Chirpy - the one we installed. It needs to be signed off.
Me - riiight, the 'unit' would be what exactly?
Chirpy (clearly irritated) - the LOG BURNER.
Me - Oh. You mean the one in our own house.
Chirpy - yes of course.
Me - well, not much point really is there? I mean, the thing was installed in the wrong place back in April, but since then we have had to move out of the place and it is all going to be demolished.
Chirpy - no, that's not on my bit of paper here. So when would be a good time for us to some round then?
(Here you insert the sound of a stifled screech from me)
Me - (Speaking slowly and with determination if you will) The burner was installed in the wrong place, you lot were going to come round to put it in the right place ON THE DAY of the June earthquakes. Are you with me so far?
Chirpy - Yes but I just need you to tell me when we can come round to sign it off?
Me - So, when the 5.7 and then the 6.3 earthquakes hit, your lot DID NOT come round that day nor since to do the corrective work. Actually, we rang and told you not to bother and you said thank you for letting us know. Now, the next bit is really important - THE HOUSE IS ABOUT TO BE DEMOLISHED. IT WAS TOO BADLY DAMAGED and we are not even living in it. You still with me?
Chirpy - yes but....
Me - no, there isn't a time that would suit me or The Stud. Sorry about that. Thanks for calling tho'....
Chirpy - so would a Friday morning be best?
10 comments:
hilarious!
even more hilarious than exasperating!
hang in sag: what a saga.
love
kj
Someone needs to invent a tazer telephone system where you can zap annoying callers.
suggest they come round the day after demolition.
Oh my goodness Saj, although ny earthquake experience has been nowhere near as horrendous as yours, this bureacracy is acutely familiar. Although I had a nice woman at the winter heating department, I was at sign-off stage when I realised that having said yes to a heat pump I was about to sign away my right to a wood burnng (free firewood in the Secret Garden) fire in my historic Skudder House. But having backed away from the deal, the phone calls to visit on the previously agreed date kept coming - just like your experience!
That what I like dogged determination in a person. I think she'll go far.
kj, yep it's a trial!
Steve - Oh what a brilliant idea and that may solve your insolvency issues as well. Let's patent that asap.
Violet - very tempted!
Lady M - oh, no you gotta keep a wood burning fireplace in your house for sure.
Marginalia - I just wish she'd go soon!
awesome !
In an odd way, that phone call sort of explains a lot!
uh-oh.
Ah, I'm glad such things as stupidity are universal.
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