I have a theory that the Christchurch rebuild is going to take longer than it should. We had a phone call last week from a very chirpy young woman requesting that either myself or The Stud make ourselves available for an inspection of the unit that had been installed.
Me - (eyeing up the heat pump on the wall at the house we are renting)what unit do you mean?
Chirpy - the one we installed. It needs to be signed off.
Me - riiight, the 'unit' would be what exactly?
Chirpy (clearly irritated) - the LOG BURNER.
Me - Oh. You mean the one in our own house.
Chirpy - yes of course.
Me - well, not much point really is there? I mean, the thing was installed in the wrong place back in April, but since then we have had to move out of the place and it is all going to be demolished.
Chirpy - no, that's not on my bit of paper here. So when would be a good time for us to some round then?
(Here you insert the sound of a stifled screech from me)
Me - (Speaking slowly and with determination if you will) The burner was installed in the wrong place, you lot were going to come round to put it in the right place ON THE DAY of the June earthquakes. Are you with me so far?
Chirpy - Yes but I just need you to tell me when we can come round to sign it off?
Me - So, when the 5.7 and then the 6.3 earthquakes hit, your lot DID NOT come round that day nor since to do the corrective work. Actually, we rang and told you not to bother and you said thank you for letting us know. Now, the next bit is really important - THE HOUSE IS ABOUT TO BE DEMOLISHED. IT WAS TOO BADLY DAMAGED and we are not even living in it. You still with me?
Chirpy - yes but....
Me - no, there isn't a time that would suit me or The Stud. Sorry about that. Thanks for calling tho'....
Chirpy - so would a Friday morning be best?